Tag Archives: marriage

The (Edited) War on Men

8 Dec

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When Fox News released an Op-Ed, called the War on Men, it became an anger-inducing, viral sensation. The author argued that women don’t get married anymore because men are pissed off at feminism. Specifically, men feel that “women aren’t women anymore.”

She argued that in order to get married, women needed to surrender to their femininity and assure men of their bread-winning status. She states that, “the so-called rise of women has not threatened men. It has pissed them off. It has also undermined their ability to become self-sufficient in the hopes of someday supporting a family. Men want to love women, not compete with them. They want to provide for and protect their families – it’s in their DNA. But modern women won’t let them.”

Understandably, the article made a lot of women upset (me included), so the author recently posted an article to clarify what she had meant. She argues that men and women are fundamentally different, no matter what feminists say. A woman’s success in the workplace does threaten men, so don’t brag about it. A man can’t get pregnant so success in the workplace is all he’s got, allow him to provide.

“Just because you make your own money doesn’t mean your guy can’t pay the bill. Just because you value independence doesn’t mean you can’t take your husband’s last name. Just because you can do the same job a man can do doesn’t mean you need to let him know it.”

She goes on to say that surrendering to your femininity means being ok with the guy being in charge. We’re equal, but he doesn’t need to know it. Even though this article isn’t as provocative as the first, I’m still dissatisfied.

Women can play whatever role they want to in a marriage, and if the guy is truly right for them it shouldn’t cause friction. A wife being happy about a promotion or excited about a project at work shouldn’t damage her marriage. Neither should the decision for the wife or the husband to be a stay-at-home parent.

The same argument is at play: that the woman shouldn’t express her desires or successes if she wants her relationship to work.

My argument is that traditional gender roles shouldn’t dominate the success of a marriage. The love and commitment of the two partners should.

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Marriage: what’s the big deal?

7 Dec

Occasionally, and with all due respect, I find topics of feminism frivolous; it’s a waste of energy. Lots of energy.
For example, this past week when we discussed marriage and the implications of last names, rings, etc, I thought is this really that concerning? Why are you so willing to wear the ring? Because it’s shiny? Also. why are there women looking down on women? So what if a lady wants to be married and take her husband’s name. How can a woman judge her?

In my opinion equality is meant to ensure that all people have opportunity to pursue happiness and fulfill ambition. If a woman does not share in your prerogative, she cannot be considered wrong for it is her equal right to be different.

Lisa Miya-Jervis, editor of Ms. Magazine, is married. As a ringleader of feminist thinking, several readers, upon learning she had a husband, stopped subscribing. In her article Who Wants to Marry a Feminist,  Miya-Jervis (apparently her husband and she both hyphened their last names) tells her thinking behind marriage, emphasizing that the traditional concepts of marriage are not that big of a deal, in the grand scheme of things.